Going “Home”-Tess Bates

The end of the school year is always a challenging time. I'm not talking about wrapping up classes or trying to raise grades. I'm talking about packing up and going home. This is my second year that when May rolls around, I have to put all my possessions in boxes and move out of places that I've come to call “home.”

For many college students, “home” is back at their parent's house where they spend the summers and breaks. It is the place where they can go back and see old friends and do laundry for free, as well as take advantage of home cooked meals. It is the place where they can rest and feel at peace with comfortability.

To be honest, I don't know where my home is. My situation is rather sticky and it has left me with a haunting question of how I define home. I grew up in suburb of Chicago for the first 18 years of my life. My mom moved to Vermont the summer before my freshman year of college. My dad still lives in the Midwest, along with one of my siblings and my extended family. I guess, “home” for me will always be Warrenville, where I grew up. But it's getting harder to define. If you ask me where I call home, I don't know if I could tell you.

I like the nostalgic feeling of going “home” to Chicago, because it's familiar: it's what I know. I don't mind going to Vermont, because it is the “home” where all of my possessions are kept. I'm starting to feel that my permanent “home” is in California. This is where I want to be, spend the rest of my life, place all my earthly possessions in one house.

But I can't help feeling that these aren't my homes, there's something much deeper that is tugging at my heart. Maybe it's heaven. Maybe I don't feel rested or completely grounded anywhere because I have been uprooted. Maybe it's because this isn't my final refuge.

Again, I don't think I could tell you. But don't put your entire life into this home or that house, because it's not the last place where you'll live. And maybe we all need to be uprooted to truly evaluate how we view the sense of “home” that we've grown up with. And for those whose hearts are wandering and trying to find rest, like mine: we'll figure it out, together if we have to.

In the meantime, I need to get back to packing up my apartment for the summer.

Namaste,

Tess Bates

Tess Bates: Kyle Greenberg

Tess Bates; A beautiful human.

Namaste, Tess.

The Dash by Linda Ellis

The Dash by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the second with tears,
but he said that what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth,
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash,
what matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard,
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
You could be at “dash mid-range.”

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life’s actions to rehash...
would you be pleased with the things they have to say
about how you spent your dash?

Linda Ellis.

Red Thread: Tess Bates

I read this quote the other day, “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break” - an ancient Chinese belief.

I would call this happenstance fate, or divine intervention.

We all have people in our lives that have shaped us in some way or another. I truly believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. I also believe that those people will find us in one way or another. I do believe that God plans occurrences, but I believe that he leaves enough wiggle room for us to move around in. Let me explain:

One of the most influential persons in my life in high school was a beautiful individual named Swimmy Kimmy. We met during my youth group's summer adventure trip in Wisconsin as she was one of our group's trip guides. To make an extremely long story short, she turned out to be a huge mentor figure in my life. Little did we know that we had attended the same church, worked at the same camp, and lived in towns near each other for years. You see, I believe Kimmy was supposed to be in my life one way or another, and God gave us many chances to get to know one another. We just so happened to cross paths at that specific adventure trip that summer, and so the course of fate continued in our lives.

We think that our lives are mapped out in one specific direction. This is not so. If we are supposed to meet someone, we will. As the quote from above says time, place, and circumstance are not deterring factors from meeting people that we absolutely need in our lives.

I am so thankful for this very fact of existence. I made some new friends this semester, and I'm sure they know who they are (Jen and Aranda), and I absolutely need these people in my life. I believe the divine intervention of God sped the process of meeting them up to this specific season in my life. The things is, we have this invisible thread that connects us, and time will tell, but it is bound never to be broken. It didn't matter that I met Jen in Intro to Lit, because I could have accidentally ran into her scooter, or met her through mutual friends. It didn't matter that Aranda is roommates with Jen, because I could have met her by reading her blog posts. We somehow found each other, and now we're living life together in community.

Hold onto people like that. Leave room for God to open doors that lead you to these types of people. And don't worry, you will meet them somehow, someway, someday.

Namaste and Love,

Tess Bates

Friends and Graduate School: Kyle Greenberg

 This year has been an interesting year for me. While I did not move to a new town, change universities, or even lose a lot of my close friends, my role has been completely recreated.

I was very comfortable with myself these last 4 years. I grew into a position I loved and was largely successful in, had a serious significant other, had steady friendships, knew my post-graduate plan, and was participatory in a healthy religious life. 

The start of this year found me in a new position doing something I had never done, single, detached from some of the relationships that were close to my ex, and removed from the spiritual disciplines that had meant so much to me. 

These last few months have been considerably difficult for me. I have found myself not knowing how to think or behave, and to me, there is no more uncomfortable, more scary, or more unnerving thing. I have many insecurities, we all do. The way I suppress mine is through put-togetherness. I compensate for my feelings of being young my dressing up. If my age won't get me respect my attire will. I try to fight insecurities with my height by working out. There may not be a lot of me, but I will make sure I can be confident in what is here. So this disequilibrium has been exceedingly difficult for me. I have been more frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, angry, and sad this year than ever before. Well, at least since I have been a healthy adult. However, this unsureness has pushed me to rely on God and others more than I have ever done before. 

I have developed substantial, meaningful relationships with many members of my graduate class. These people have embraced me in my vulnerability, and allowed themselves to be vulnerable with me. I love you Garrett, Evetth, Leif, Lisa, Amanda, Olivia, and Ramona. And I love the rest of my cohort as well, but those listed have become intimate friends. There is still room for more, so please seek me out, and I will seek you out too. Yes I'm talking to you Cherie, Davinah, and Logan.  

Vulnerability is important, it is what has allowed me to be loved by these friends, and what has allowed me to love them. Communication theory might call it Social Penetration, the depth of what we divulge to one another and the level of reciprocity present. I think it is allowing ourselves to communicate our humanity to one another. It is the practice of saying, "hey, I'm not enough. I am not put together to be able to go through life alone. There are parts of you that are needed in my life. There are parts of you, that when shared with me, actually make me, more me". Vulnerability acknowledges the uniqueness in others, the Light/I AM in them, and asks for them to share it with you. Vulnerability is scary, because many times, we are met with a resounding NO.

So go, be vulnerable. If that is too difficult, and it might be...no, it is...so when it is hard, at least be willing to let someone else be vulnerable. Don't make another fear vulnerability. Don't be another no. 

Watch this, and then go and love,

Namaste

Reaching Out: Kyle Greenberg

Communicating Gods's love can be as simple as putting a comforting hand on a friend's shoulder. How have you let God love the people in your life today?

Forgiveness by Tess Bates

Forgiveness.

It's a new concept to me this year. I have been a christian all my life, but I don't think I've fully realized the value and necessity of forgiveness.

I made a few mistakes last year, and paid for it this year. However, the people that were punishing me didn't treat me fairly. Like any person who has been hurt in some manner, I quietly hid the pain away in my sub-conscience. I told myself I had been wronged and the people didn't deserve my forgiveness. They didn't deserve to be treated like decent human beings, because to me, they weren't. I tried not to play the victim, and I tried to be civil. But something started to eat at me. It was a big fat grudge that I was carrying for my situation.

I didn't understand how I was supposed to forgive. I couldn't bring myself to forgive someone for choices that they made that effected me, much less forget what had happened. Jesus calls us to forgive, but I kept telling him that I couldn't forgive because my situation was never resolved. But Jesus calls us to forgive anyways. I decided to step out in faith and tell the people that had hurt me that I would forgive them....eventually. The simple act of telling someone that you don't have the capacity to forgive them at a specific moment in time is momentous. I suppose it requires a real maturity.

Forgiveness doesn't have to be a ceremonial occasion that leaves you with warm butterflies in the end. Forgiveness is one of the toughest things one can choose to do, but it turns out to be the most fruitful. You don't have to be in the “perfect” place to forgive someone. You don't have to have a situation resolved. You have to let go, and let God.

I allowed God to work by simply telling someone that I would forgive them.

Forgiveness is not quickly slapping a bandaid on an unfinished conversation. It is recognizing that even when people wrong us in this life, that we have to give them grace. We have to have the understanding that we will be wronged in this life, and we will also wrong others. But we cannot lord that over people, or hold onto those memories forever. Forgiveness is moving on.

Namaste,

Tess Bates

Il Cuore Della Bellezza: Kyle Greenberg

Here is today's post. It is a simple song that I once wrote for a good friend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB1njI3cpZo


Namaste,
Kyle

An Open Forum: Kyle Greenberg

Hello everyone. This is a quick post (something rare from me):

I would love for anyone and everyone who reads this blog to contribute something. This should be a website that focuses on beauty and good things. So if you want to write a piece of poetry, a short story, a reflection, whatever, please do, and then email it to me. I will put it up right away.

Email me at greenbergkd@apu.edu